


Secrets

by Takada_Saiko



Series: At the End of All the Lies [4]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Jacob's past, Snarky Jacob, irritated Ressler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takada_Saiko/pseuds/Takada_Saiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bud took Jacob into his school, he had said he destroyed his juvie records. Now they've resurfaced, and the last thing Jacob wants to do is face pieces of his past with Donald Ressler looking over his shoulder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets

**Secrets**

It had been a long day and one that had kept him cooped up in the Post Office like a prisoner. Ressler was yet to sign whatever the hell he needed to sign to allow Jacob into the field, so the former operative was stuck on desk duty and it was close to driving him up the wall.

He had slipped away to let off some steam in the workout room, finding it surprisingly well put together. He had just gotten his hands wrapped and was about ready to go after the heavy bag for a few minutes when the door opened and his solitude was infringed on by a certain fair haired assistant director. Jacob set his jaw and focused his frustration into the first blow.

"We need to have a chat," Ressler said as he came closer.

Jacob's gaze flickered over and he landed another blow to bag. "Now? Seriously? We couldn't have chatted in the _hours_ I've had nothing useful to do?"

"You should be going through the manuals I gave you."

"I did. Twice," Jacob snapped, swinging around so that his shin slammed hard into the bag, sending it swinging.

Ressler snorted. "I'm not here to discuss that. I'm here to discuss this."

The bag swung back around and Jacob caught it before turning to look at the file Ressler was waving in the air. He squinted at it a moment before reaching over to grab his glasses off of the table. When he turned back, a chill swept through him. "Where did you get that?"

"Look familiar?" Ressler asked smugly. "I know you buried it-"

"Bud destroyed it," Jacob managed, so surprised by the sight of _any_ records linked to his real name that the words tumbled out. "That's what he said. The bastard must have-"

"I don't care. What I do care about is what's inside."

Jacob blinked at him. "I know some of it, but I don't know all of it." He didn't want to, either. There were things he had purposefully avoided finding out over the years. Namely the outcome of the incident that had sent him running. Just over two years in the Douglas household had sent him to his brink. He didn't waste a lot of time and energy on outright hate - with a couple of exceptions - but Anthony Douglas had brought that out in him. Arrogant and prone to violent rages when drunk, it was a wonder how they had remained actively 'fostering' children at all. Other homes had set him running before that one, but the Douglas household had been the personal hell that had put him on the path that had led him to Bud. It had been the one that had made the offer seem so appealing.

"Because you don't know what made it in or not?" Ressler asked irritably.

The younger man snorted and focused on landing precise punches against the bag, not looking at Ressler as he spoke. "I thought my coming to work for the FBI cleared my record. Isn't that what you said when I signed your damn papers?"

Jacob didn't miss the very subtle wince at a particularly hard hit as if it were obvious that the other man had hit a nerve, but then the assistant director only glared harder, refusing to be deterred. "You get that we're a team here, don't you? We have to be able to _trust_ each other and right now I don't trust you to help protect my team. Liz seems to think that your complete disregard for life-"

"I don't have a complete disregard for life," Jacob snapped. "I do what I have to to get the job done."

"- stems from your time with McCready," Ressler finished as if Jacob hadn't cut in. He held up the file again. "This proves that it started earlier. Does she know?"

"Know what?" Jacob growled and it was taking a certain amount of effort not to turn one of his punches over on Ressler. The smug bastard didn't have any idea what he was talking about, even if he thought he had the full story detailed out for him.

"Help me here, Phelps, because this thing says that a family took you in, was raising you as their own - the longest stint you stayed anywhere since you were about three years old, from the looks of it - and you repaid them by breaking the husband's neck, stealing their stuff, and taking off. Tell me, how am I supposed to trust someone that-"

The bag went swinging so hard that it nearly came back around and hit Ressler. Jacob's breathing was uneven and his mask that he had been struggling to keep in place since Ressler strode in with that file was shattering. "Is he dead?"

That seemed to catch the shorter man off guard a little. "You didn't even stop to check?"

A mirthless, thin smile stretched Jacob's mouth. "Yeah, because they were going to stop long enough to listen to my side of the story of what he was. Sure. I did what I had to. I stole his car and his credit cards and I ran. Is he dead?"

"Yes."

A strange sort of relief washed through him. "Good."

"Listen, pal, I don't know what part of ending an innocent man's life you think is good, but-"

"What does it say in there?" He reached out, snatching the file and glancing over it. "Typical. Because he was a complete saint."

"What do you mean?"

"I was one of three kids they kept. The oldest was a girl that in the two years I was there I never heard say one word. Not a peep, so I don't know what the asshole did to her. He seemed to like the other boy, but he hated me."

"Not that you _ever_ give anyone a reason to dislike you," Ressler grumbled.

"I only went to the doctor when he broke my arm, but Bud said the doctors found hairline fractures in my wrist and half a dozen other injuries from my two years there." He watched what he was saying sink in and Ressler's expression darkened slowly. "If you don't believe me, go talk to the medical department here. They should be able to tell you how old some of my injuries are, right?"

" _Did_ you kill him?" Ressler asked, the accusations put aside at least for the moment.

"He was drunk and and I gave him a helpful shove down the stairs instead of letting him throw me down them." He hadn't told the details of the story to anyone, not even Bud or Gina. The closest he had come was Liz, but even with her he had glossed over details. At fourteen he had gone from a delinquent teen to a murderer. He had known how it would look, and the fact that Douglas would have killed him that night didn't matter to people who believed the incredibly good BS that the man spun. "And no," Jacob murmured at last, "Liz doesn't know all the details. I don't talk about it."

"So you're keeping it from her?"

"It's not like I go prying into the night of the fire with her. There are some things better left in the past. My time at the Douglas household is one of them."

Ressler watched him for a moment, studying him, and Jacob loosed a long breath. He was tired of waiting and it was looking more and more like Ressler simply wasn't going to put him on the job that he said he would. "You know, if you're just going to leave me in limbo, tell me now. I'm useless where you have me,"

"You're right. You are." The admission was a bit of a surprise, but so was the fact that Ressler's own façade seemed to thin out a little and Jacob saw one of the rare glimpses of the man that Liz considered her best friend. "I'm going to follow up with medical, but... I'm hoping you're telling me the truth. If you are, you'll have your first assignment in the morning."

"So what? This was some sort of test?"

"It wasn't supposed to be when I came in here," Ressler admitted, reaching for the file.

Jacob leaned back against the table, watching the older man carefully.

"I have a pretty good BS meter. Everyone has tells, even you." Two shades of blue eyes met and Jacob felt uncomfortable as the other man continued to speak. "I didn't expect you to be honest about this."

"It's better than sitting around in this little prison you've set up for me," Jacob huffed.

Ressler shook his head and chuckled. "I'll have your answer by tomorrow morning."

Jacob watched him leave and frowned, not quite sure how he felt about the fact that Donald Ressler was the one person besides him who now knew the details of that night.

* * *

"So, you didn't hear this from me," Liz said as she wrapped her arms around his middle from behind. He had heard her come in, but was already in the middle of cooking. She had a key. Hell, she had had a key to his place pretty quickly after he had moved in.

"Yeah?" he prompted, stirring the chicken and veggies together. "What's that?"

Liz tightened her grip. "I think your attempts have paid off. You're getting put on assignment with the rest of us tomorrow. Ressler signed the paperwork tonight before I left."

"He'd said he might," Jacob answered noncommittally. He'd done enough thinking on the subject of Anthony Douglas that day. The man was dead and he didn't want to ever think about him again.

"What did you do to change his mind? He wouldn't tell me, but it almost sounded like he might be starting to trust you."

Liz's excitement contrasted with Jacob's increasingly souring mood. He turned the heat down, put the lid over the cooker, and turned around in her arms. Her grin faded at the expression on his face. "What is it?"

"I was honest with him about something he brought up."

"What?"

"He found my juvie file."

"Okay?" Jacob pulled in a deep breath and Liz tightened her hold. "You can tell me anything."

"I know."

"Will you?"

She didn't know what she was asking. He didn't know if that would make a difference or not in her wanting to know, but slowly he repeated the story. She listened as he spoke, her gaze never leaving his as they stood in his kitchen and he divulged a secret twice told that day. When he was done she leaned forward, resting her head against his chest with her arms still around him. "I love you," she reminded him softly.

Jacob swallowed hard and kissed the top of her head. "Love you too."

"I think... my perspective has changed a lot in the last year. I think maybe Ressler's has too."

"I half expected him to go back on his deal and arrest me for murder."

"Ress stands by his word, but he expects other people to do the same. You gained points today, babe. It's hard to do with him in the beginning."

"You telling me not to screw this up?"

Liz rolled her eyes, pulling him down into a kiss. "No matter how much you complain, I think you want to be here. I think you'll do really well in it."

Jacob shrugged. "It's a job and it keeps me close to you."

"Mhmm," she laughed and he was pretty sure she didn't believe that was all there was to it. That was fine. If it made her feel better to think that he wanted to be there because they were doing so much good - or whatever the task force told themselves - then that was fine. Jacob knew there was enough true evil in the world that they couldn't make a dent in it if they devoted every last breath to it. The fact was that that had never bothered him like it did her. He didn't mind if she believed it, though, because then maybe, given time, he might too.


End file.
